the zhaf speaks

Friday, October 31, 2003:

in the mood

when marimba rhythms start to play,
dance with me, make me sway,
like a lazy ocean hugs the shore,
hold me close, sway me more,

like a flower bendin in the breeze,
bend with me, sway with ease,
when we dance you have a way wif me,
stay with me, sway with me,

other dancers may be on the floor,
dear, but my eyes will see only you,
only you have that magic technique
when you sway i go weak...

i can hear the sound of violins,
long before it begins,
make me thrill as only you know how,
sway me smooth, sway me now.

sway - can't remember e original artiste, has been redone by a great many singers, one of e best i've heard is e one by michael buble

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:49 am

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Thursday, October 30, 2003:

stymied spirits

i haf nothin to say of ani real consequence. shudn go on typin too long, my entry in all likelihood will warp into a vitriolic diatribe of my shortcomins. truth be told i'm still rather bitter abt my dismally dreadful results, tho i am thankful dad didn spontaneously combust as i'd portended. i've escaped scot-free n unscathed, a pretty clear sign tt dad has either given up on me or decided to leave me to my own devices. either way i've been granted a great deal of leeway. anticlimatic tho, e only thing i feel is indifference.

i reeli dunno if it wuz juz one or e both of us bein overtly petty tt dae. sumhow i dun tink u deserved an apology from me. but wateva it is i gaf u e benefit of doubt so u'd better appreciate it. perhaps i roughed u up somewat, but clearly u came at me harder, hunger took awae far too much of my energy to put up ani resistance n fight back. u haf scant reason to see urself as e victim in all of dis, esp since i gaf u a reasonable deal of face, not to mention an arm n a leg too. i'll try to let bygones be bygones, but dun get my monkey up again... it's a simple matter to lose focus when i'm ceaselessly bombarded by dese intense n unrelentin emotions. may e concrete ground haf mercy on u once u've provoked me sufficiently, cos sumtimes i confine conscience to a back seat n let revenge take to e wheel. i will make every single moment of e game insufferable for u.

on hindsight after my totured psyche's been granted sum quiescence, perhaps all tt's a wee bit gauche. bein fouled out in a game wud be all too rueful. all tt intensity n drive shud be channeled to more useful ends. ultimately, anger's a chaotic master.

rarely (if ever) is anitin we do wholly altruistic. at e ground level we act to further our own ends, whether consciously or unconsciously.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:20 am

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003:

flabbergasted

crushed by e weight of my azimuthal expectations. devastated by e injustice i've wrought upon myself. it's been a long descent, e impact on landin wuz qt horrific. i've fallen a very long way. b for math, c for bio, d for chem n econs, a2 for gp. suck. fly kite. jia sai. guess i got wat i deserved. my abject feelins of inadequacy r devourin wat little hope n optimism i haf. get up zhaf, no pt cryin over spilt milk. wipe it up n move on.

e ballers reeli r great company btw, even if sarah's AABC puts e rest of us to shame haha. evita koh pls dun pon sch if not i got noone to whack :(

will submit my spaper application form tmr. remind me to pray for a miracle, i dun tink i deserve exoneration.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:07 am

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Sunday, October 26, 2003:

driftin away

my muscles r as tight as my mum's purse strings. i'm achin all over, tired, broken n weary. but not beaten. still, i hope it all ends someday.

e week's been jam packed, promos did end on mondae after all. its comin back in dribs n drabs.

mon - class outin + sushi buffet
tues - back to sch for open hse prep. to be honest din do much, if anitin at all. first spot of bball in eons.
wed - gratuitous amts of slackin ard doin nothin reeli. more bball.
thurs - open house which wuz a feast for e eyes. wif all e dances n cheerleadin items, which male libido wudn be satiated? i'm still wonderin if we played wif sufficient conviction to persuade e better sec4s to come over to rj. after tt slacked ard on e sofas at dfs.
fri - evita's hse wif e bballers. stoned. tho my tastebuds were suitably entertained wif e dinner evita's mum cooked. yummy
sat - trainin, violin lesson, MORE stonin wif e bballers. intolerable cruelty sucked. out of pt.
oh yes... selang, erpz, out of point, i'm sureee, gehehe, selang
lol i'll upload all e pics n e voice recordin sumdae n send y'all e address.

n yes sundae
SCUBE SEMINAR - sun sand n sea at sentosa
wif e class guys. man we're dam gd at enjoyin ourselves. LAN jiao man it wuz how fun, havent played cs since e cows came home. i'm still a decent shot tho...

a fren sed tt everyone can be happy. i disagree, vehemently. it takes effort to be happy. ani loser can slink into e abysmal depths of depression. it takes effort to stay happy in e face of life's turbulence n at times, sheer lousiness. heck, sumtimes we're still depressed when everythin's laid out in front of us for e takin, when life's goin our way. seriously, it ain't all tt easy to be happy.

thinkin abt gettin promos back. i dun haf a gd feelin n it's eatin at me, munchin awae at my footin n makin me feel all shaky n uncertain. n bloody shit it'll all be back in a matter of 10 or so hours. but no use worryin, it's all been foreordained. it's set in stone n nothin i do todae will change e results i'm given tmr.

i am absolutely appalled wif e abhorrent state of my writin at e moment. sumthin's not rite. utterly devoid of e slightest semblance of flow n coherence. at best i wield e language pathetically n neophytically. no quick-fix for dis. i seriously need to remedy e situation, readin thru my blog irks me horrendously. i muz seek out e clandestine location of tt lil whiff of inspiration capable of liftin me out of dis morass of insipid inadequacy. language isn't merely e perusal of an expansive vocabulary. it's sumthin more den tt, elusively ethereal n ineffably intangible. deplorable isn't it, my trite n banal usage of alliteration. bah.

i dun tink it's juz tt. perhaps it's everythin. i can't get a firm grip on anitin. it all slips thru my fingers juz like miniscule grains of sand. as futile as tryin to snare e wind wif a fisherman's net.

i will never back down however. not now, not ever. even under life's cruel n unrelentin gaze i will not flinch. throw everythin u've got at me, i'm still runnin at sub-maximal capacity.

fastin for e month of ramadhan begins in 4 hours or so. time for me to withdraw to my inner sanctum n adopt a more reticent course of action. time for me to reflect, repent n seek redemption.

drats no more buffets for a month. nvm, time to fortify my inner aspect. n dang i'm hungry.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:19 am

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Friday, October 24, 2003:

the seconds
turn into minutes
they in turn compose the hours
and build up the days
which orchestrate the ebb and flow of life

it's all whizzin by so fast. open hse's come n gone, far too quickly for my liking. juz goes by horrendously quickly when ur enjoyin urself.

hmm all my memories of e past few daes r either in tt swirlin miasma in my head, a chaotic whirlpool i can't pull anithin out of, or dey totally elude me. will update later when i've imbibed sum clarity from e fresh air outside.

oh n yes bballers e pics look qt garbled, tink e security guard din haf a steady hand, n my fone camera kinda sux :p

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:50 am

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Monday, October 20, 2003:

faithless

hauntin. poignant. ethereal. otherworldly. driftin awae by faithless is truly a chillout masterpiece. hell i bet u cud use it to facilitate zen meditation. e paradiso mix is a thousand times better den e original, definitely get tt mix.
i'm gettin it at a *drumroll* blazin, ashphalt-meltin record speed of 0.5kb/s. best.

i figure remixin (well) is one of dose arts u dun learn easily. e original version of darkbeat sounded horrible but after gettin a boob job from pete heller sounded like heaven come early. driftin awae sounded too docile, far too safe to elicit more den a murmur from audiences. e paradiso remix remoulded it into sumthin worthy of inclusion into e buddha bar compilation, launched it into e orbit of planet sublime. fuckin hard to pull off a coup like tt in e realm of dance/chillout/trance/etc. so often remixes r far enough removed from e originals they're as gd as a totally different song. i tell u deejays r e real alchemists, transmogrifyin melodic fluff into musical epiphanies, if u've ever tried ure hand at it u'll noe wat i mean.

econs mcq finally over! thereafter found myself helplessly careenin in e direction of euphoria. celebrated wif e usual hokkien mee from e veg stall in e sch canteen :P
on to open hse prep which found us all engagin in inordinately large amts of slackin, tho i take my hat off to u jinyi ur artistic skills r how pro!
haha truth or dare wif e class guys wuz juz... HAHA. pls how gross la sum of e qns. "if u had to scru a guy in class, who wud it be?"
...

slightly satiated by my trip to sakae where i chionged wif gabgn, shermie n e big man, junren. ha i tink i edged junren out by a plate or two, i am e sushi buffet king! currently awaitin challengers...
THAT cd shop at pac plaza is one swanky outfit. pulsatin beats goin thump thump resonatin wif my fundamental frequencies. heavily stocked wif stupendous chillout/jazz/club beats, not e crass eurotechno tt inundates wkrz91.3.

headed on home after sittin down for awhile at mos wif bigmanjun n e class. hit e mattress e moment i reached my room, only to be awoken minutes later by redh. juz needed to chill bfore gettin back results, so yea scuttled down to bk to haf our usual fare of upsized mushroom swiss double.

my eyes grow heavy n drowsiness starts to assault my senses, my thoughts return to my dear ol' brother. wonder how he's feelin now, he din reply my sms, am somewat worried.
aniwae dis is for u big bro...

no matter how hard i try,
you keep pushin' me aside,
and i can't break thru',
there's no talkin' to you,
it's so sad-ad-ad that you're leavin,
it takes time-ime-ime to believe it,
but after all is said and done,
you're gonna be the lonely one...

do you believe in life after love?
i can feel something inside me saying
i really don't think you're strong enough

cher-believe

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:08 am

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Sunday, October 19, 2003:

noxious

i opened e toilet door n an odd stench wafted into my unsuspectin nose. it hit me milliseconds later tt e noxious fumes were puke smells. immediately performed an ablution for e desecrated toilet. to no avail however, e stench still lingered when i returned but half an hour later. if e puke's stuck in e pipes, well it's prob time to start buyin 4d.

for once my older bro sought salvation in me. i answered his call, my casual hello met wif a teary voice on e other side. i had to save him, drag his wounded self out of e abysmal depths he had gradually sunk into over e past few days. truly, i wanted to cry wif him, but my well of tears dried up long ago.

"it's not your fault" dey always say. dun gif us tt kinda shit. worse still, free ureself of blame by claimin ure faultless too. rite. dun lie n sae tt it's "better dis way" cos it bloody hell isnt. fatuously jumpin to conclusions, gettin carried awae by ure emotions, neuterin logic n rational thinkin, makin decisions on a whim. u expect so very much from us but never put in a commensurate amount of effort. if ure endin it wifout givin it a shot, talkin it over wif us, den obviously ure bein horrendously one-sided n plain selfish. i reeli wonder how we ever were suckered into placin ure feelins ahead of ours when self-interest is ure drivin force. i may be makin overt generalisations but by n far many guys wud agree wif me, when it comes to serious relationships more often than not we're at e mercy of e so-called "fairer" gender. we're too nice so we end up playin by ure (very) skewed n unfair rules.

pls stop cryin bro, she isn't worth ure tears. not wif tt kind of attitude she's shovin in ure face aniwae. one more thing, pls dun sink into cynicism, i'll testify tt it's nigh impossible to climb out from dis manhole.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:03 am

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Saturday, October 18, 2003:

drats

prob cud haf spent e 10 bux on sumthin more worth it. worse still e auxillary costs totalled more den 10 bux. so now i'm broke.
still, i'm amused. ha. ha.

heartfelt conversation where everythin is exposed n laid bare. it felt gd to let my guard down for once. i noe u'll read dis cj, so thanks a ton. btw u can get my fone at 198 bux if u sign up for a new plan. wait for xmas sales n u mite be lucky enuff to get it at 150, i tink.

did u ever notice? cadbury milk chocs taste better when dey come in dose small rectangular pieces juz slightly bigger den a thumb as compared to dose full sized bars. things'll be slightly more palatable if i tackle bite-size pieces rather den tryin to gobble it down all at once i guess.

i dun feel even e slightest tinge of despair, but elation is ever so elusive. so i simply am, unpolarised. mebbe its wat i've alwaes wanted, to be e perfectly neutral observer. ever so slowly i realise it makes little difference to me which way e pendulum swings. i am determined to fend off e approach of despair as well as it's debilitatin twin, sadness. yet happiness is a peak tt i can't seem to scale.
whatever will be, will be.

i reeli am spoilt for choice, i muz decide which pursuits will yield e greatest dividends. dis time round i am utterly determined not to squander e final months of e yr.

happy belated bdae red, i hope u enjoyed ure mushroom swiss double treat :) well from here on we haf much to do, much to strive for.

haha rundown wuz hilarious. gratuitous amts of toilet humour i suppose. but not brainless enuff to be denounced as b-grade :P
underworld, superb la. okae mebbe not THE THING but still a movie y'all oughtta watch. underneath e veneer of blood, fangs n savagery e characters retained a hefty amt of their humanity. not settlin for a simplistic approach did wonders for e movie. some mite say character development wuz cursory, but hold ure horses n keep in mind tt underworld is juz e first part of a trilogy.

e prospect of f-in up promos rather badly is starin me in face. i hate bein kept in suspense, havin to wait one bloody week harbourin hopes tt i mite scrape decent results or givin thoughts of trippin over promos an audience. i want nxt wk to fly by, but it's evident it will be as long as e road to perdition n back.

damn i'm so hungry i cud eat a horse.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:35 am

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Thursday, October 16, 2003:

finally

bio in abt 13 hrs time. juz want it all to be over. wif a certain amt of luck, i mite actually be able to pass.

hmm wonderin wat r e odds tt i'll bother turnin up for pw on sat mornin. prob bout 999999999999 to 1.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:14 am

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Wednesday, October 15, 2003:

faux pas

sumtimes it's blindinly obvious, crystal clear indeed where e fault lies. i haf only myself to blame for todae's chemical fiasco. "stop writin" n i still had 6 mcqs undone. so max 8/15 for mcq, 25-26/30 for section B, n 18/30 for C (i cudn do all 10 marks of buffer soln, can't bluff yer way thru tt) so tt's max 52/75. augurs A at best, horrendously optimistically best case scenario in which all e stars n e moon align bringin down heaven's mercy, a divine force coercin e markers to view my script kindly n ever so leniently. fat hope pls. well but yea B is gd for chem spaper, but still, so close, yet so far. tmr i will have vengeance. my one chance for redemption considerin tt bio is a lost cause. watch out math, tmr u r my bitch.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 2:56 am

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Tuesday, October 14, 2003:

hmm

i dun reeli noe how todae's paper will turn out. made cursory references to a myriad of factors never reeli elaboratin on anitin. hmm score aniwhere from 28 to 30-odd out of 50. i cud be overoptimistic tho...

nabei nabei la studyin for chem is dam endothermic, especially in dis stupid aircon room so therefore rxn is not favourable n is unlikely to occur unless i possess absofuckinlutely high activation energy or a suitable catalyst is introduced into e system. till den, i bid farewell to chem.

oh wait shit e clock's struck midnite. i reeli shud do sumthin.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:02 am

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Sunday, October 12, 2003:

awesome

i shud watch more rugby world cup matches. watched japan vs scotland earlier on, e absolute best rugby match i've ever witnessed. i was witness to e ineffable spirit of e samurai. japan put up a sterlin display of sheer tenacity, grit n doggedness, hustlin for every loose ball, holdin e fort wif superb defence most of e time, reflective of e indomitable psyche n perseverance i am certain every single samurai on e japanese team possessed. so japan lost, but dey were clearly outsized (20-30% i'd sae) by a scottish team which was purportedly much more experienced, a team tt many claimed wud humiliate japan outright. 32-11 to scotland. sad indeed how e scoreline surreptitiously conceals japan's valiance n scottish sloppiness.
aniwae rugby's found a new devotee in yours truly.

hmm i've not gone thru an ounce of econs todae. a baleful omen for tuesdae's essays. preparation for bio has yet to materialise. at least i've finished math n only haf 2 more papers to go thru for chem.

caught 20min or so of messenger:the story of joan of arc on axn (channel 19). truly, war durin medieval times wuz a grotesque business. well it still is now but it seemed worse den. fuckin bloody bloody bloody ala red sky mornin. virtually hell on earth. pourin vats of boilin oil onto ure enemies, add in a fatal rain of arrows, bludgeon e enemy to make dem look a tad more handsome n not to forget fatal lacerations from rusty swords. e 100 yrs war btw eng n france wuz destruction wrought on an insanely massive scale. war is bad, war is hideously ugly. for e common soldier on e battlefield it is an unceremoniously pathetic way to meet The Maker.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:31 am

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Saturday, October 11, 2003:

whoa dam pro

not too long ago i witnessed a most spectacular n fastastic penalty executed in a tremendously sublime fashion. beckham, i salute u for shootin e worst penalty i haf ever seen. truly beckham, u set precedence. i hope mrs beckham punishes u by givin u zilch in e bedroom (alternatively she cud don leather n pulverise u).

lots of sports to watch lately, e fiji vs france rugby match wuz dam psyched up. blows were exchanged n blood wuz spilled, ya abit la. hmm sports is gettin pretty ugly nowadaes. first tt rugby match, den e england turkey soccer match. fuckin violent dose turks, blatantly smashin their elbows into e british stalwarts who gaf no quarter, tauntin beckham wifout provocation. we're talkin abt sport on e international level, wat dese hooligans r doin is sacrilegeous. it's tantamount to gross indecency i tell u, layin their ugly selves bare to e scrutiny of e masses. aniwae i noe tt i'll double my efforts to keep my incendiary nature durin physical activities in check, last thing i need is a sendin off durin an inter schs match :P

sat1 went well i'm happy to sae. it's e third time i'm takin it. "third time's e charm" as dey say, i forecast 1550+ dis time. glad i devoted an arbitrary amt of time to preparation, upon seein e test qns i knew tt ani additional prep wudn haf helped any more den hopin for easy qns.

red came over to my place to study, while i wuz usin e com almost e whole time he wuz here. i can slowly feel gd results slippin out of my grasp. still i tink i get by wif minimal effort so yea baby it'll be fine, i hope. aniwae supperin at e prata shop wuz qt shiok, havent done it wif a gd pal in eons.

realise tt my inadequacies in e english language r hamperin further intellectual development n maturation. till i rectify e situation i will remain mired in a morass of insipid callowness. think abt it, e act of studyin duzn help u to improve ure ability to comprehend or to absorb knowledge more speedily. u need to address e foundations of scholastic aptitude, basic cognitive abilities like mental processin speed n a sufficiently varied mental toolbox wif a myriad of gizmos to help u label, sort out n interpret sensory input. tt mental toolbox is language. wifout it noone wud be capable of plumbin e hidden depths of intellect n e mind. well mathematicians wudn need much of it i guess, but i'm not plannin to head in tt direction. well in my opinion language n mathematics r vital to acquisition of higher knowledge in e humanities n sciences. tt language is requisite to venture into e humanities wif reasonable depth is self-evident. for e ignorant let me tell u tt all higher theories in physics, chemistry n even biology require copious use of advanced mathematics - higher calculus, number theory n rigorous proof.
but of cos there's cow sense. e proportion of ppl in possession of dis veritable gem seems to be steadily decreasin. i'm ambivalent n cannot decide if it's sumthin tt can be acquired. life is e sch of hard knocks, n sum ppl juz need more time in e classroom bfore dey finish e foundation course in common sense.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 1:19 pm

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Friday, October 10, 2003:

running on empty

tt's how i felt when it came to econs paper2 todae. i mean, i'd eaten only 2 hamburgers e whole day long. well it wuzn too welldone so gotta bank on scorin for mcq + essays, i'm makin sure i haf labour market + production n cost at my fingertips cos i tink they'll come out as essay topics. well at least gp wuz better den okae, which balances things out. a neutral start to promos yea.

but u havent heard e half of it, i haf SAT1 tmr. superb la. will haphazardly shade e ovals. 1550+ wud be nice ^_^

aw cmon ppl it's e wkend come online la dun hafta coop ureself up in ure cages (bedrooms) n mug till sunny comes home. it's 1+am n i'm fuckin bored, n i dun wanna touch my bks. hell man i wanna pool or party NOW.

a man once had something weighing heavily on his mind.
he decided to approach the prophet to clarify his doubts.
"o messenger of God, i carry my old, feeble mother on my back to wherever she wants to go. i feed her and have never raised my voice against her. have i done my duty, repaid my debt to her?"

the prophet replied
"verily you have not and you never will. for while your mother cared for you while you were but a babe hoping that you would live long, you however care for her hoping that she passes on quickly."

tall order, tryin to mend e rift btw dem n myself. hell. i mean i understand tt i'll forever be indebted to dem. i accept tt. but i dun accept havin to tow e line, n conform to all their irrational ultimatums.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:07 am

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Wednesday, October 08, 2003:

surreal

e j2s will officially be endin sch later todae. wow, tt's fast. when dis time comes nxt yr, i wonder wat i'll be feelin. perhaps elation at knowin i'm no longer trapped in e clutches of stiflin education? probably immense sadness, knowin tt i'm leavin behind a very big part of me, movin inexorably forward n leavin e sumwat halcyon, decadent n carefree daes of jc behind me. a myriad of memories i'll cherish, which i will obviously be compelled to sanctify by settin aside a large part of my mental repository for dem to occupy. hopefully in tt small niche in my mind they'll remain in pristine condition n half a century from now i'll be able to ruffle thru e pages of my life. den i'll laugh, cry, n haf my bein reinvigorated by e warmth of dose ethereal n precious memories of days of yore when i wuz young n indestructible n had all my pals by my side.

i still find myself wantin to go back n make it all rite.
move on move on.

n yes i'm psyched up i'm goin into overdrive so promo papers y'all better watch out cos i'm comin rite at ya (albeit half asleep due to a heavy dose of last minute crammin)!

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:56 am

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Tuesday, October 07, 2003:

countdown

it's a song from X TV anime, kinda forebodin n ominous. floatin ard sumwhere on a burned cd in my room.

haha no joke man my torpid n languid approach has immensely low yields. yea not much longer bfore overdrive mood kicks in.

n yes i ate ri nasi lemak todae. heaven dancin ard on my tastebuds! been almost a friggin yr. portend droppin by ri more often to do work, e library is superb for studyin + sleepin.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:03 am

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Monday, October 06, 2003:

heed the clarion call

to my fellow rj j1s, do start work or intensify ure efforts sumwat. we haf sum (not much) time left.

still, i tink dose feelin e heat n r overstressed shud chill. juz promos, it's not alvls. regardless of ure results life goes on, for better or for worse. do gif it ure best, tt's all u can gif. let e guy way up high do e rest. worryin duzn pay a single cent in dividends, so stop bein so anxious n juz do sum work yea? we're all in dis togetha. hang in there peeps...

personally i'm rather behind schedule but i'll claw my wae back sumhow. to add to tt i haf sat1 dis sat. hmm we'll see how it goes yea? haha my so called study leave seems to be nothin more den juz an excuse to wake up later n slack ard more at home. still goin back to sch in e evenin wuzn tt bad an idea after all since jonchen julie-ann-poh n momo were muggin in sch. had dinner n chilled out wif dem again :)

n yes sum ppl r shens. aka BEN KOH haha 3As for prelims so far. shan't bother askin him bout his 4th subj cos it's a foregone conclusion. stupid DICK haha hope u see dis.

stupid rainy dae. headed down to amk south police station thinkin dey had my wallet. turns out it a few clicks awae at amk district police station. stupid 3 buck taxi fare. muz haf been my lucky dae cos e wallet still haf 65 bux in it. YES! SCORE! thank e heavens. n yes, thank u kind soul who returned my wallet wifout takin ani cash from it.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:36 am

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Friday, October 03, 2003:

liberated

cost benefit analysis led me to conclude tt foregoin chem o to engage in other pursuits would yield more utility. tossin it aside was accompanied by an immense sense of relief, a great burden lifted from my shoulders. still, it led me to ask myself, r u worthy, do you haf wat it takes? i have much to prove, to myself especially.

there's incipient promos which starts dis comin fri. i can score, all tt's left is to bloody hell put in e hard work. do remind me to slog, whether thru sms or icq cos i'm not attendin sch till promos start.

all my life i've been wonderin how to crack life's secret combination. for so long reachin even minute yardsticks required monumental labour. perhaps an infusion of a sufficiently large dose of realism to bring me down-to-earth n deflate expectations will do e trick.

was glad to hear tt practically all e ri sec4 bballers will be headin here come 2004, perhaps we can finally live our dreams. it'll haf repercussions, for one my batch had better sweat it out once promos r over if we intend to keep our places. dis is gd, pressure cook us so tt our playin'll be more yummy...

things r gettin better now after a temporary withdrawal into e fortress within n resolvin e infightin deep in my psyche. it fills me wif a certain measure of calm n collectedness which i havent experienced for eons. e pieces seem to be fallin into place, slowly, but surely.

hmm, where do u draw e line btw bein self-assured n bein overconfident, how do u noe which stage ure currently in? how much should i show, how much should i conceal?

that cd shop at pac plaza is one ice-cool place. man e vibes dere sent me soarin into e skies. it stocks amazin stuff, lounge, newage and all tt jazz. e thumpin beats soundin from e store's subwoofers get me groovin all over.

---
elvis-rubberneckin'
---
stop, look, and listen baby, that's my philosophy
it's called rubberneckin' baby, but that's all right with me
some people say i'm wastin time, but i don't really care
i like what i see, i see what i like yeah it gives me such a glow

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:00 am

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